So here’s the deal: There’s a seat on the toilet, and it’s made for asses. It isn’t made for your piss, so don’t put it there. No, you are probably not good enough to piss through the 3 inch gap in the center. Just lift the seat, mmkay?
 

I swear, the next time my intestines are going nuclear and I run into the restroom only to find someone’s sprayed large amounts of piss all over the seat, I’m going to smear shit all over the door handles. If you don’t want to touch it, use your foot to pick the seat up. It’s cake.
 

But that doesn’t lay all the blame on the pisser. I mean, if everyone put it up after they took a crap, it’d always be up too. So, you know, if it’s a mens restroom and you see the seat down, be a hero for men everywhere and kick the seat up, and no one has to wipe up piss while trying not to crap their pants.